I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
