Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
