Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm passing your future prison.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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