4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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