I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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