you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
