My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
