I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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