I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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