I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
