so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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