I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize