her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
