She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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