walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
