i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
