ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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