I hate your face
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
