i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My bed smells like the plague
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
