She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
