My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
