Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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