yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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