I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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