Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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