I just pynch a tree in the face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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