I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
