Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
