You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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