i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
