i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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