I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
