I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
