I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
