My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
