im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
