He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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