All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
