please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
