I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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