I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
