You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
