Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
