I am puke
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
