I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
