Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
