you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
