I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
and you fell through a lawn chair
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
