I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
