More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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