I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
