You're completely useless in the revolution.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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