My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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