Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
