I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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