I wanna passion pit in your ass
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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