lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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