I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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