just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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