i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
