She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
