we made out on top of his cat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
