You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize