you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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