Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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